Now, I realize I am an amateur. I do not claim to be a mother, nor do I actually know anything about it. But something about this whole childcare thing has come to my attention....
People. Childcare is all about the body fluids.
You have to catch it, clean it, stop it, or dry it... and its constantly coming out of their eyes, mouths, nostrils, bums or other unmentionable body parts. Its exhausting, and disgusting, all at the same time. Maybe I'm just feeling that way today because I unwittingly knelt in a puddle of urine. Urine that did not belong to either one of my charges. Or it could also be because after 3 days of nannying, I finally encountered my first poopy diaper. How the faaaack does that much crap come out of one child? Twice.
The 3 year old talked me through changing the 18 month old's poopy diaper. She understood when I needed encouragement to go on, she didn't judge me when I involuntarily began to gag, and she gave me peace afterwards when I needed a moment to recover.
I know I bitch, but at the risk of sounding sappy - they are adorable kids and they are quickly attaching themselves to my cold childless heart. At least the amount of body fluid I deal with daily is equal to the amount of love they dish out. Stealthy little monsters. Creeping up on me and making me adore them.
Other fun highlights include:
- Four children simultaneously spitting saliva all over the furniture. One kid thinks its funny, so the rest do it, and pretty soon things have escalated.
- A conversation between my 3 year old charge and her friend while playing on their "magic" carpet: Child 1- "Lets ride this thing home!" Me - "Where's home?" Child 2: "Disneyland!" Child 1: " We can't go there! Its a school night!"
- After painting with her hands, the 3 year old ran to the bathroom to wash up, leaving a rainbow trail of paint on the light switches and faucets.
- These kids go into freaking hell-raising melt-down mode when they're hungry. Just as I've cracked 3 eggs to scramble, the power goes out, the children go hungry, and I improvise with a little song and dance number.
- After 3 days of changing diapers, I was informed that I had been putting them on backwards.
Stay tuned!!
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